Not all cakes are created equal. There are cakes that, while assaulting all the senses, are popular enough to justify their existence.
We deemed it necessary to rate cakes based on, well, everything. We rated mostly based on the potential for tastiness, but appearance and personality also matter.
We certainly anticipate some dissent. For instance, the fact that fruit cake was not our pick for the worst form of cake ever to grace a serving plate may raise some eyebrows. And that’s okay; we actively seek for conflict. Convince us of our error in the comments, and perhaps future rankings will take your peculiar tastes into account. Unless you enjoy carrot cake, leave immediately.
In the meantime, here is a definitive ranking of the various forms of cake.
Carrot Cake
The last time we looked (during preschool), carrots were a vegetable, and veggies have no place in a cake any more than chocolate chips belong in a stew. Worse, recipes usually substitute delicious butter with tasteless oil. Yes, that will help keep the carrot cake moist, but after a week you will still have to discard more than half of the unappealing cake.
Fruit Cake
At least they did not include salad toppings. But fruit remains the main ingredient in pies. Worse, fruit cakes candy the fruits in brandy or black tea, transforming an otherwise respectable liquor-based recipe into a technicolour nightmare full of Skittles-like shocks. Long regarded the joke gift of the holiday season, fruit cakes are only festive inasmuch as they will be the last item selected in a Yankee swap.
Angel Food Cake
We consider delicate to be bland. Angel food cake is the result of combining white bread with a dish sponge. It contains egg whites but no egg yolks. Before other ingredients are added, they are beaten until light and airy, creating a soft and delicate cake that must lay upside down after baking to prevent sinking. Angel Food cake is a fantastic complement to fresh fruits and syrup, but it’s just a euphemism for the fact that it rides on the coattails of more delicious dishes. If this is the type of cake angels consume, we request an invitation to hell.
Red Velvet Cake
Red velvet cake is fake, similar to Cheez Whiz cheese. During the halcyon 1920s and 1930s, velvet cake was a sort of cake. In addition, red velvet cakes received their colour from a natural chemical interaction between buttermilk and cocoa powder. Over time, buttermilk was added to the cake to enhance its colour and flavour.
Then, John Adams of Adams Extract Company came along and persuaded the world that this cake required a full bottle of red food colouring. Evidently, there is no law of diminishing returns regarding colour saturation. If you enjoy the bouncy texture and lighter crumb of this red velvet, you may reduce or omit the red food colouring while baking our red velvet cupcakes.
Birthday Cake
In 2005, when we originally explored producing this list, birthday cake was in the top five. We love that its yellow cake layers, rainbow sprinkles, and tooth-meltingly sweet icing can spice up practically any birthday celebration. The past decade, however, has been dominated by birthday cake-flavored products, many of which are not actually cakes. Frozen yoghurt, booze, cookies, popcorn, lube… You have the concept. Sorry, birthday cake, but you’ve run their course. Funfetti cheesecake is the one and only exception.
Pound Cake
In essence, pound cake is a baked brick. Comparable to angel food cake in terms of tedium, pound cake partially redeems itself with its classic, simple-as-hell recipe: one pound each of butter, sugar, eggs, and flour. It is an excellent variety of cake if you’re having trouble keeping your cake-and-pillow fort upright.
Chiffon Cake
Just because we’re in the top ten doesn’t mean we’ve reached the best cake varieties. Chiffon cake is the most luxurious of sponge cakes. However, this oil-based cake is among the most difficult and finicky to create. The egg whites must be beaten until soft peaks form, and the egg yolks must be added separately. This makes the completed cake light and airy, but if done incorrectly, the cake will shrink and deflate like an AFC football.
Mousse Cake
mousse is scarcely a cake ingredient. Mousse, which is more liquid than solid, is essentially a fancy pudding (often chocolate), similar to how McDonald’s is a nice coffee. It is also the only cake on our list that does not require baking, for better or for worse. Typically, it is prepared in a springform pan with a crumb crust, mousse layer, and topping. And is refrigerated to solidify. However, if you prefer meals that can be spooned into your mouth and swallowed without chewing, mousse cake may be to your liking.
Flourless Cake
Another deviation from the tried-and-true cake recipe with butter, eggs, and flour, flourless chocolate cake excludes the enemy of Celiac disease patients and our gluten-sensitive cousin — he makes Thanksgiving so much fun! However, this sort of cake makes up for its lack of flour in flavour and solidity.
Layer Cake
Layer cakes are to cakes what chocolate chip cookies are to cookies and Magic Mike was to male revues; they established the standard. As a category, layer cake is inclusive of a variety of flavours, frostings, and even tiers! The layers and the filling can be any type of cake desired. In this layer cake recipe, Ashlee Marie demonstrates how to make a sumptuous cake with layers of ganache and buttercream. Or prepare something similar to a cream cake, which is made with heavy cream instead of butter and is frosted with cream cheese. The decision is yours to make. Choose carefully
Genoise Cake
A génoise is an Italian sponge cake also known as Genoese cake or Genovese cake, named after the city of Genoa. Eggs and sugar are beaten together first, which keeps the cake batter light. Although it’s easy to confuse génoise cake with sponge cake, sponge cake has no fats other than those found in the egg yolks, whereas génoise cake contains butter. Its relative chiffon may be slightly more luxurious due to the additional oil it contains, but we like the simplicity and pronunciation of génoise.
Coffee Cake
Only this style of cake is regarded appropriate for consumption with or during breakfast. And despite the fact that the coffee portion of the name is merely a serving suggestion — “Eat this cake with coffee!” — and not a reference to a caffeinated ingredient, it gives us great pleasure to think combining two of our favourite things.
Coffee cake resembles a pound cake in that it is composed of flour, eggs, butter, and sugar. But what makes it even wonderful is the cinnamon-sugar streusel topping. It fulfils our crunch tooth, which is similar to our sweet tooth, except for crunching!
Butter Cake
You may have guessed that we enjoy butter. If butter cake were simply a slab of butter, it would still be one of our top five choices. Even better, butter cake has butter, sugar, eggs, and flour. Like most cakes. In reality, a butter cake is defined by the requirement to “cream the butter and sugar.” Several of the cakes we’ve already ranked are technically butter cakes, but their names don’t include the word “butter,” do they?
Dump Cake
What, were you expecting a sophisticated upside-down cake? Ignore that. We’re all on increasing our return on investment. And in the case of baking, it’s about doing as little as possible while still producing good results. Thus, dump cake comes into play. It is the simplest type of cake to prepare. It only requires fruit, water, sugar, and cake mix, for crying out loud! And it’s as wonderful as any seven-layered confection your fancy baker pal can labour over.
Cheesecake
Cheesecake is the pizza of desserts – the confection that everyone likes, except for that one odd friend. The fact that cheesecake includes chocolate cheesecake, peanut butter cheesecake, strawberry cheesecake, Oreo cheesecake, vegan cheesecake, and New York-style cheesecake, among others, is sufficient justification to rank it first. Add a nationwide chain of restaurants committed to feeding our craving for cheesecake and tropical fruit-based cocktails (we adore Applebee’s), and it’s impossible for us to give any other dessert the crown. Which consists of cake.
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